back to update after so long. year 2 term 1 has past and now its year 2 sem 1 term 2. well these few days back at school had been recieving results from the first CA. i think i didnt do well. although it may still seem to be a good grade. i am unhappy with myself and not the like what the other's had been saying that others are now doing better than me. i knew myself that i had been struggling to maintain that balance in CCA and studies but when every thing simply comes together like you never expect, it crashes and you fall. it may be a good beginning and a wake up call for me..that i cant take things as it is as before. i have to learn from my own lesson this time round. without any other example, you are the only one that you can rely on..

last week after NUS invitational, i completed my first Biathlon relay. i had to swim 20 laps and the good thing was i didnt come up last! which i usually will if it was see...6 years back? or other words when i was in primary school..hahaha..i did see my improvement there..but i suppose i can do better..haha..shall see if i want to do it again next year..its abit too much for me i think..hhaa..anyways i had learnt that i made it to the National's team..i am in the mids of thinking if i should go all out for it..afterall its going to crash into the term test again..so see this sem sure do very badly one..and is like i dun think we will be able to win anything as the others are so strong..how? i dont know...

i feel like jus not caring and do things my own way..like sleeping till before the good things happen then i can just enjoy life...

比赛结束了!

yeah NUS invitational has finally ended! woots! although i think my team wasnt very good compared to the others but after all its our first time. so come on, not last we very happy ready! and true enuff, Medly relay 3rd last, Obstical 3rd last and rope throw 2nd last! was rather disappointed bout rope throw cox i throw 3 times all 3 times didnt hit. haiz. disappointed!

the whole event is very exciting and tiring and there were many mixed feelings. but it was on the whole a good experience.

for now..

考试开始了!

yeah back to update. its been a long time since i last updated. haiz. this week is the last week for hols. next week is the start of school and at the same time is the exam week. at the end of this week the thing to look forward to is the NUS invitaional lifesaving competition. i must say i have totally no confidence in my individual event or other words line throw event. i have been trying but it just doesnt work. i have been missing my target like nobody's business. and it is really irritating i mean i am totally dissapointed in myself. what is totally happening? i know that i have to make it afterall the seniors have been helping alot. and that the last time i did with the seniors i already failed. issnt is embarrassing enough?

this week i dont know if i should be thinking bout exam or competition. many people will say that exam is more important but come on..who will i mean not put competition into their mind. or at least think bout it becuase u still sux at it..i totally have zero confidence. and not clinging to any hope. but yet i mean all the pain should pay off..all the hard work must result to something..and if i just give up like that its the team that is suffering..

i've been wanting to spill everything out to someone or at least one person that doesnt know or doesnt affect anything or jus someone that can listen and jus say ya next to me. or at least just let me see whoever and it will make me happy..it's so tiring and upset to be the one standing alone and no one cares because in their mind they think that you are the person top in class and that nothing is impossible for you. or like you wont be wrong. the gap between me and others are just like drawing futher and futher..cant there be something to stop it from stretching or even if i did have to pull my space closer the others to give me a chance to pull it closer? what is the problem..i want to jus let it all out..

i hate having to answer question, i hate having to think that no one is at the same pace as me, i hate having no one to chase after, i hate being left out and i hate people thinking that i am so arrogant and not easy to get closer.

i need to regain my confidence

back to update again. its holiday already the third day..so far...not that good all thanks to a bad begining of FAILING my PPCDL again. the second time ready and teh worst part of all is that i failed by 1 mark..shit man..haiz..which question i did wrong? meow..if not can pass ready..haiz..not in the mood for anything since yesterday..today dont noe wad to do also..

this hols i jus got myself addicted to listening to taiwanese radio station from online..its so fun and like different from Singapore station because they keep playing english songs haha..i mean its like a big contrast..haha..and i've started reading New Moon without reading Twilight..except watch the moive..kinda addicted la...

so..may hols be turning good man...

hey hey hey when was the last time i ever updated my blog? hmm...ages..haha..decided to update cox the com is super lag..and thanks to Vic cox i using his lappie..and waiting for STATs practical test later..hey qiong you should be studying i mean now is 2.42pm and your test is at 3.30pm..why are u blogging now..cox i didnt bring my own lappie and i am sick and tired of EXCEL all thanks to LIS practical last night that is suppose to be due like TOMORROW when i have training tonight..dam that teacher..well today also in class that dam theacher give tips also like may as well dont give..and abit like waste our time to go for his class now..and come on its a 5 credit point module leh...wad to do now? study myself..and is like 3 weeks hols need to take on extra training and studies cox competition coming ready..how? wad to do? may as well not have that holiday sia

really hate year 2 sia..so many things to do in such a short period of time..always praying for saturday and sunday to come just to take a little extra more sleep. and can stay home or even at least go out to see the sun..its been very sad that all the time in that dam four wall class room that you dont know that the sun rose or sets..haiz..hate to go home late when the shopping centre has its roller shatter down and no one there...haiz...

i only can pray hard that i will do well for competition and at the same time not get affected in studies..if not i can forsee that i might need to leave the cca le...haiz...the warnining is ringing in my head...haiz....how to compensate? how to make it? I NEED MORE TIME AND REST to prevent myself from falling sick...which can happen at any point in time....

back from camp. it was fun and stressful and tiring but i mean i enjoyed it. haha. well there was alot of people and alot of sun burn for me..hahaha from the comments that we heard from the juniors it was great!

how i wish school doesnt start tmr. haha

its been a long time since i last updated. i mean now. maybe too busy to update or other words too lazy to update. life goes on as normal and well if i dun write it down i jus forget about it. anyway. today CCA drvie first day. responds..well..like that lo..imagine that your booth is hid behind Bowling and next to you is Sailing club with a big sail and Dragonboat but luckily without their boat. haha. we got a Surf board to show off!! and of course Manikin!! haha..goona loose my voice there...the stupid commerce club with the speaker..argh...hey we dont have mic and speaker can..its kinda messy around with lots of people..my next shift there is on FRI!! hope to see more ppl there. gonna go back to do work le. haiz.....=(